Hate This.

I seriously can't take this anymore. It's 2:32 in the morning & I'm back to being alone. I'm back to where I have no feeling & not a care in the world. I'm back to being depressed all the damn time. I fucking hate this. Why me? Seriously. This is getting ridiculous. 
Well, I'm back in the box. & for you that don't know what I mean when I say, "That box." I mean a dark, pitch black, empty box. That I'm stuck in once again. When I say I'm in that box again. I mean I have no feeling. My whole body is numb. I can't feel. I have not a care in the world right now. I can't even think straight. It always happens when I'm alone & depressed. It's getting to the point where I'm not even scared. Where this is a normal thing now. Being in the box. My best friend's hate it when I'm like this. & trust me, I hate it too. Because I can't even help my best friend when she needs me. I try too. But I don't even know what I'm saying. & I just start to confuse myself. So i just erase everything & say a one word reply. I fucking hate it. Like seriously? It's that fucking bad. When I can't even help my best friend when she need me. I'm the type of person that help my friends through anything & everything. I'm always the one that give them advice & help them as much as I can. But right now, I just can't. I tried to help her tonight. But I just couldn't. & it just makes me think. Like, what if she's thinking about killing herself or cutting or something. & I'm in the box & I wouldn't be able to help her & be there for her. I would feel so bad. I wouldn't be able to live with that. I would be in this box for the rest of my fucking life because of it. Ughhh! I FUCKING HATE THIS! Get my outta this fucking box! I can't take this anymore! Someone safe me, help me! Before I'm stunk in this box for too long. & it's too late. Someone please. HELP ME.

~Erica.
July.15.2013

P.S. Sorry, but the "box" is the only way I can describe this.