I'm Lost.

I don't know where I am anymore. It's like my bright light, showing me where to go. Is gone. Now I'm lost. I'm lost in the darkest. & there's not getting out. I can't see my bright light anymore. She's left me behind. She took off without me. & left me in the dark. The one thing that hurts the most is. My bright light told me she would never leave me. Because she knows I'm scared of the dark. She promised she wouldn't leave me. But she did. She left me in this pitch black world. Where I can't see anything. But black. It hurts knowing she just left. Even when she said she wouldn't. Knowing she was always there. That she wouldn't leave me. Because she knew I couldn't get out alone. That I couldn't face this dark world without her. Because, she was my bright light. & still is. I'm trying to find her. But, I feel like she's gone. & there's nothing I can do to get my bright light back. So, now I'm lost. I'm lost in this dark black world without my bright light. & I know I can't get out alone. I need her. But I don't think she realized it. & still doesn't. Because, she's not back. & I'm scared she's not coming back. I need her. More than anything. Without her I'll never find my way. & I'll always be lost in this dark world. I need my bright light back. I'm tired of being lost. 

I need my best friend back. But, I think she's already gone..</3 

~Erica.

August 26th, 2013. 

Why I'm Hurt.

Honestly, why shouldn't I be hurt? I feel like I'm losing my best friend, my other half.. My sister. It seriously hurts so bad. I have been crying for the past two days. I blamed it on my tooth. But to tell you the truth it wasn't because of my tooth. My tooth has been feeling a lot better. I just use it as an excuse so my mom doesn't ask why I'm crying.. But why you be crying if you felt like you were losing your other half? Because I am. I'm crying just typing this. It hurts so much. Thinking your losing your best friend & they don't care or are just letting it happen. It hurts so much. 
I just want my best friend back. The one that has always been there for me. The one that knows when something is wrong & tries to fix it. The one that I could tell anything to & I know she will listen & give be good advice. The one that wouldn't let me do stupid, crazy, dumbass stuff without her.. The one that I trust with my whole life. The one that wanted to move in with me when she turns 17. The one that wanted to turn the basement into our room. But mom wouldn't let us. The one that was always there when I was crying & she would do anything to out a smile on my face.. But.. Where are you right now? When I'm balling my eyes out like a little baby. I need you Katy.. You have no idea.. Right now I'm home alone with no one. This is so weird because usually your here with me.. But your not.. 
I'm just going to sum this all up. I'm hurt because it feels like I'm losing my sister. & there's nothing I can do about it.. I fucking hate it so much. I need my best friend, other half... My sister. I need her more than anything & I don't think you understand how much I actually do need you in my life. If i didn't have you.. I honestly wouldn't still be here.. I just need you, okay? I know you said we will always be sisters. You even promised. But you saying all this stuff about needing a break just makes me think like your going to break that promise.. I don't want you to break it. That's the one promise i hope you never break. 
So.. I'm just really hurt from all the stuff you've been saying.. 

~Erica..

P.S. I miss my sister.. I want her back. Please?