Pissed.

Seriously right now? I'm so mad. I don't know why but every little fucking thing is pissing me off. I'm about to just turn of my phone. Call it quits for the night. I'm so frustrated! People are pissing me off. It doesn't help that I think my best friend changed. & if she didn't. Then it sure fucking seems like it. Like come on now, it was a question. That's it. You didn't have to start getting sassy. I understand if your not having a good day or something. But from all the snap chats you seemed in a good mood. What happened? Seriously. Would it be better if I just stop texting you. If so then just say something. I'm already home alone. Once again. In my room listening to fucking pandora & over thinking. Not having a care in the world. I was going to take Megin's advice & just think about all the good in life. But what's so good about my life? Oh wait, NOTHING. My life is hell. Well it is when I'm alone. I can't stand it right now. I just wanna fucking scream. The only thing keeping me calm right now. Is... NOTHING. Ugh! Fuck this shit. I can't stand being alone anymore. I've only been home since 8pm & I just wanna leave. UGH! I HATE THIS! Sorry for what ever the fuck I did to piss everyone off tonight. I'll just shut of my phone & not turn it back on! 

~PissedOffTeenageGirl. 

July 19th, 2013. 

Hate This.

I seriously can't take this anymore. It's 2:32 in the morning & I'm back to being alone. I'm back to where I have no feeling & not a care in the world. I'm back to being depressed all the damn time. I fucking hate this. Why me? Seriously. This is getting ridiculous. 
Well, I'm back in the box. & for you that don't know what I mean when I say, "That box." I mean a dark, pitch black, empty box. That I'm stuck in once again. When I say I'm in that box again. I mean I have no feeling. My whole body is numb. I can't feel. I have not a care in the world right now. I can't even think straight. It always happens when I'm alone & depressed. It's getting to the point where I'm not even scared. Where this is a normal thing now. Being in the box. My best friend's hate it when I'm like this. & trust me, I hate it too. Because I can't even help my best friend when she needs me. I try too. But I don't even know what I'm saying. & I just start to confuse myself. So i just erase everything & say a one word reply. I fucking hate it. Like seriously? It's that fucking bad. When I can't even help my best friend when she need me. I'm the type of person that help my friends through anything & everything. I'm always the one that give them advice & help them as much as I can. But right now, I just can't. I tried to help her tonight. But I just couldn't. & it just makes me think. Like, what if she's thinking about killing herself or cutting or something. & I'm in the box & I wouldn't be able to help her & be there for her. I would feel so bad. I wouldn't be able to live with that. I would be in this box for the rest of my fucking life because of it. Ughhh! I FUCKING HATE THIS! Get my outta this fucking box! I can't take this anymore! Someone safe me, help me! Before I'm stunk in this box for too long. & it's too late. Someone please. HELP ME.

~Erica.
July.15.2013

P.S. Sorry, but the "box" is the only way I can describe this. 

Answers.

Yes. I finally got the answers I have been waiting for. Finally. I can't believe all my questions have just been answered. I wish you would have been the one to tell me though. Not my best friend. Not anyone else. Just you. But I finally know why you won't leave me alone. Why you don't want him to be the one that's making me happy. Why you won't stay outta my life. All my questions are finally all answered. I have been waiting so long. & I finally know them. If you ask me it's about damn time! The answer is.. Because you still like me. You never stopped. You told my best friend you were going to prove it. That I was worth fighting for. That you never stopped liking me. That it was always me. I just wish I would have known all of this before you left for Florida for the summer. I wish you would have been the one to tell me.. 
But I understand. You thought I didn't like you anymore because of what I told Rickey. Well that's not true. I was just saying all of that because I told thought you didn't like me anymore. That you didn't want anything to do with me. I thought you hated me.. But you don't? I don't know. This is all so confusing & just coming to me so fast. & this time I can't stop or even try to hide these feelings coming back for you. I just can't. I don't want too. I want them to stay right where they're at. If anything I want them to grow. I just don't want to get my hopes up once again.. I don't want to get hurt again.. I don't want to be the one crying anymore.. I want to finally be happy & I want you to be the one right there, making me happy. 
I just wish you would tell me everything your telling my best friend.. All you have to do is send one little text message saying, "Hey." or just call me. Just send me a sign letting me know everything that I have being told is true. That I'm not getting my hopes up again. Just a sign. That's all I ask. Okay I lied.. There's one more thing that I ask, that's for you to come back early. But I doubt that will happen. I'm just happy I finally got the answers I have been waiting for. I will be honest.. I wasn't expecting these answers. But I'm glad I got them!:) 

~Erica.<3
6.21.2013

What Happens When Zach Has My Phone.

About Time!<3

Yes! I finally got that kiss I've been waiting for! :)) I'm so fricken happyy! Who would have known that today would get that much better? It went from wanting to end my life, give up, can't take it anymore. To me being the happiest person ever, loving life. :)

~Erica. :) 

6.13.2013

FUCK MY LIFE!

Seriously I'm DONE! Fuck this shit! I can't take this pain anymore. I can't take all the tears falling down my face. I just can't do this anymore! I go every day with a fake smile on my face acting like everything is perfectly fine. Like my life is so fucking perfect. When it's NOT! I just can't do this. FUCK MY LIFE. I'm DONE. For GOOD. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!! 

~Erica

June.13.2013

Why?

That's the question I have been asking all day. Why? Why do you have to do this? Why do you have to ruin everything that makes me happy? Why do you like me sad & depressed? Why don't you just let me be happy? Why don't you just leave me alone? Why don't you just forget about me? Why can't you just let me be happy again? Why can't you just face the fact that he makes me happy now? Why can't you just believe that I like him & not you? Why can't you just face the fact that I was finally happy again? Seriously why? That's that question I have been asking both, you & myself. When I finally got to ask you that. All you said was, "No." Really? I sent you a long ass message asking for you to just stop trying to ruin my life & just leave me alone. & you replied with one word. No. Seriously what did I do to deserve this? I asked my best friend that & she said nothing. But I just don't get it. There has to be something that is making you do all this. Something that I must have don't wrong. But I don't understand what I did. I can't thin of anything I did to make you hate me this much. I really can't. Your the one that left me. Your the one that didn't want to talk. Your the one that is doing this. I don't even know how many times I have asked you to just stop & leave me alone. & you just say no or not reply at all. I seriously hate the fact that you won't even talk to me. I believe if you would just talk to me like a normal person, everything would be fine. We would at least be friends or we would just stay outta each others lives. Honestly, I think the second one would happen. But all I'm asking is, why? Just tell me what I did & I'll be on my way. As long as you stop trying to ruin my life. Stop trying to ruin everything that makes me happy. Can't you just face the fact that I'm finally happy again? Can't you just be happy for me? Seriously, why can't you? It's not even that hard. I did it for you. Now all I'm asking is for you to do that for me. Please. That's all I ask. 
I just wish you would tell me. Or talk to me. But knowing you, you won't.. 

~Erica.
6.4.13