Anyways, I know she will read this so I'm just going to say I'm sorry for making you cry while reading my last blog.. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I was just trying to explain part of my life story to people that barley know me.. I still don't know what to say from reading your blog. Tears ran down my face while reading it. I am still re-reading it every hour. Just trying to get it through my head that you really do care about me. & that I am apart of your life now. I'm so happy we decided to make this account together because I probably wouldn't have realized it.
I just want you to know that I love you. <3 & your not my friend or best friend. Your my sister, my other half. Your the only person I can go to for anything & everything & understand it all without me having to explain it to you. I can't believe what a great difference you made in my life. You helped me see all the beauty in life. You helped me realize there are a lot of great things worth fighting for. You helped me become the person I am today. & I couldn't thank you enough for that. <3 I'm going to be 100% honest right now. I don't think I would have been able to stay strong this long with out you in my life. I don't think I would still be on this earth without your help & support. I have been waiting to just give up on a lot lately & you wouldn't let me. You would stand right by my side helping me get through it all. Last night I honesty just wanted to give up on everything. I just wanted to escape everything & just be free for once. You knew something was wrong & asked me about it. Little stupid me said "Nothing." Like always. I hide my pain & tears from the world. Not letting them see how I really feel. You, my best friend, knew right then & there I was lying & knew I needed help. You called me. & I'm so glad you did. Because I wasn't going to say anything.. But right before you called me I was staring at a pencil sharpener. Just sitting there. Ignoring my phone. Staring at the blade. Tears running down my face. I looked at my phone & it showed that I had 3 new text messages. One from you. One from Rickey. & one from Megin. My three best friends. I knew I was better than that blade. I knew I would be fine without it. But I continued to stare at it. & suddenly my phone was ringing. It was you calling me. I was so happy that you called. Because if you wouldn't have. I don't know what would have happened. Right when I answered the phone. My voice cracked & I just began to ball my eyes out. You knew I wasn't ok & made me promise for the second time that I wouldn't self harm my body. & I promised I wouldn't. & I haven't. I was so happy when I promised you that, that I grabbed the pencil sharpener & throw it in my closet. Outta sight. Not looking at it anymore. The only thing I was looking at was my phone. It showed how long we were talking for & the messages between me & Rickey. My heart dropped when I see that. Because I knew before I throw the pencil sharpener that I didn't have my phone set like that. I only had it showing my home screen & how long we were in the phone. I don't even know how to explain it. I really don't.
But, what I'm trying to say it.. I'm so happy I can call you my best friend. I'm so happy I know you will always be here for me! I'm so happy to know someone truly does care about me! I seriously couldn't have asked for a better best friend! <3 & please, take your own advice & never give up either! Seriously. Just remember your stronger than that blade. Or that rope.. Your stronger than it all. You really are. You've been strong for almost 17 years now. You can't give up now. <3 I love you girl! Stay Strong.<3
~Erica.
5.27.2013
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